When I say “self-love” I’m not referring to a selfish arrogant conceit, But more of the lack of insecurities or jealousies, and to rid yourself of the damaging effects of self-hatred or not taking care of yourself by excessive negative comforts in life, such as junk food, smoking, drinking, drugs, cutting, tattoos, etc… in other words, not knowing your worth as you are right now without any of those things.
Everything you think you have to have to comfort the inner voices that tell you that you need just one more… “thing” whatever that thing is, is just something else that takes you away from who you truly are at the very core.
For instance… “I need a cigarette”, “I need a drink”, “I need another tattoo”, “I need some comfort food” are all some sort of temporary mask to put on to calm something that is going on, on the inside of you.
Usually set off by a trigger to seek comfort, something to generate a feeling that will just get you by until the next one. Whether it’s something you need every hour or every week or every year and so on.
The more you do it the more of a habit it becomes, which turns into a lifestyle and then, you now think that it’s a part of you. So…
Anything that makes you feel, good about yourself, or tough, better, bigger, more confident, anything that generates a feeling to take you to a place that you have to keep doing or getting to maintain that feeling,… there is something going on, on the inside that is not quite complete in your life that keeps you going back to that false comfort thing.
Unfortunately, those who rely on those things won’t fully understand that until they get to a place of total contentment with themselves.
So, deceptively, will continue to rely on those things without even realizing it.
As a matter of fact, if you’re reading this and getting upset while you are defending your “thing”, there is more than likely something deeper going on.
Let’s go even deeper with insecurities, jealousies, and issues inside of yourself that usually and eventually will spill over into your relationships.
The need to work on being content with yourself, as to not be a hindrance in a relationship by constantly needing attention or reassurance from those insecurities, is extremely beneficial for the longevity of a healthy relationship.
In scripture, when it says to “Love your neighbor as yourself” first, you have to love yourself so that you can be effective in loving someone else. You can’t take care of someone else if you don’t know how to care for yourself first, because your interests are always focused on self and the dissatisfaction that you have for yourself.
You are so worried about what you look like, or act like,… is my hair in place, does my butt look fat, what are they going to think of me,… etc. etc… but, do you really want to know the truth?
Nobody is really that concerned about the issues that you worry about, because they have enough of their own issues to deal with. This could, in fact, be a comfort to you if you think about it. You are the only one that thinks that everyone else is judging you for your… hair, size, shape, color, weight, looks, etc.
But even the few that do fall into that category of judging you for those things, actually speaks more of who they are than who you are. On top of that, they are highly likely to be extremely insecure themselves, cutting down and trying to belittle someone else so they can feel better about themselves. It’s not even directed towards you personally, you just happened to be the one in their line of vision at the time.
Being filled with self-condemnation means that you don’t have any room for anything or anybody outside of your insecurities, because basically, they take most of your time.
To be honest,
and it may be a little hard to hear this but, if you think about it, it’s a hidden and completely unaware form of selfishness.
Any negative self-awareness that you generate outward, towards anyone else for the purpose of your inner comfort, is a display of “pay attention to me and me only until I feel better about myself”. You, of course, are unaware that you do this and your intentions are to secure your feelings to being accepted but what happens, is you overly demand time and attention which, in turn, usually backfires and tends to be an annoyance to the one you are directing it towards, therefore pushing them away instead. That reaction then reassures you of your negative feelings about your own self-worth and it just keeps spiraling downward until you finally decide that you are not going to fall for that endless dead-end pathway anymore.
It can be a daunting journey but when you are completely secure with yourself (healthy self-love) then you are free to just be yourself without the hindrances and are then able to give of yourself instead of demand from others to “make you happy” or reassure your insecurities.
The only way to fix that is to rely on the way God himself thinks of you and then believe it, don’t wait for the feelings to come before you start to believe it, because they won’t. & the only way you are going to find out what God thinks of you is to read the words directly by him, for you to then take straight to the heart.
The word “Believe” in scripture is a verb, an action word, something to tangibly take ahold of and make it a part of your life as if it already exists.
BUT… NOT something that you just make up about yourself as “the truth” based off of what you personally or selfishly want, but the actual truth that is defined by Your Creator through the words written in scripture.
A true conviction based off of faith and not the way you feel at any given moment.
So when it says that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE, when it says he loves you, BELIEVE THAT HE DOES, & belief is a conviction, not a feeling.
When it says to believe don’t hesitate from that moment on to start living it as fact and not something that you wait for or will come to you eventually.
Yes, it will “feel” awkward and not true, based on those “feelings”, but ignore them!
Like dropping objects while learning to juggle, just pick them back up and keep going until it becomes a habit and a part of your life.
If you wait for the feelings to show up first, you will never experience freedom.
Feelings are a deception that will keep you making excuses to not do something, or to do something negative, based off of those feelings and not faith-facts!
Live the belief.
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